Tee-Hee!!

Yoda: Ewww! SO GROSS!

Tara: *sniff sniff* It's stinky in here! Tee-hee!!

Everyone else: "That's disgusting, Yoda. Get some Depends."

Me: Fuck all of you. It's all your collective faults that we had three pee fails within a few sim hours last chapter. Y'all are incapable of sharing a bathroom. And fuck you in particular, Oscar. You just peed yourself a few minutes ago.  And Bubbie, you are almost 100 years old. I love you but LET GO!! Damn.

"Heh-heh. I got the tub and I don't even care what those yahoos are doin' out there!"

Monday and school cannot come fast enough.

So to recap, the triplets are teens and, unless he really blows it, Mountain Dew is going to be the next torchholder. Pickle grew up and moved out. Bubbie is wearing out her welcome, and she and Jordan hate each other more than ever. And there was pee. Lots of pee. And a toilet that might be hazmat-suit-levels of toxic. Between all the peeing and needing to bathe, no one can be in the bathroom long enough to clean it without being shooed right back out.

Oh, and Tara. Tara has been around since Pickle's birthday party the day before. I could reset her, but this is more fun.

"Tee-hee! Can we put the shopping network on? Horror movies are so scary!!"

"No, Tara. We're watching the one-eyed bunny. It's Hulk's favorite. You're free to go home whenever the mood strikes you."

"Tee-hee! But I need to do my homework!"

"Then do it already!"

"Tee-hee!!"

You can't scare her, Bubbie.

"But I really want to!"

I know, you've been standing there with it queued for over an hour. 

"Tee-hee!!"

"Dexter Bear. It's right there, under hobbies. I could use a new hobby."

No, Bubbie.

"I'm alright. Nobody worry 'bout me. Why you got to gimme a fight? Can't you just let it be?"

"I like having your friend here, guys. She's quiet for the most part, and she's a good audience. How long do you think she'll stay?.............................Guys?...........................Guys!................"

Next morning,

It's Monday, Tara. School day. Don't you think you ought to be going?

"Tee-hee! School is cool!"

At some point during the morning she poofed away, caught in Error Trap. I didn't see it happen, I was looking elsewhere. Regardless, she's invited to Oscar's birthday party, so she'll be right back.

She's in roughly the same spot, but I swear she's fine.

"Tee-hee! Party!!"

Well, fine for her at any rate.

Oscar survived to adulthood. He rolled "natural cook" for his trait, and his LTW is to become a 5-star chef. I'm sure he'll keep the fire department very busy.

"Tee-HEE!! I broke your sink! That's what you get for being so mean!"

Too bad so sad, Tara. The repairsim is still here fixing the tv.

"Actually, I finished the tv a fraction of a second before the sink broke, so I'll just take my 50 simoleons and be on my way!"

Dammit, Tara!

"Tee-hee! I'm doing homework at a party! I'm a good girl!"

Get stuck again and Bubbie will suddenly find Dexter Bear in her inventory.

Finally!!

I imagine his next goal is to bug the shit out of me as an uncontrollable, non-torchholder.

"Such pretty lighting! Is it the sunrise?"

No, that's the stove on fire because you're cooking at 4am.

"I got this, I got this!!"

There's my little daredevil! <3

"Man I love fire! Why isn't this working?"

Why is your head embedded in the stove?

"Whoa! There it goes!! It just got a little excited...heh-heh."

"Yikes! That came outta nowhere!"

"Hurry, Dewie, hurry!! I'm starving!!"

"Done and done! Wow. The stove's not even burned."

It's an ISBI miracle.

"*sigh* I guess I'll just have leftovers."

Brilliant idea, Yoda.

Let's take a moment to catch up with some of the better known non-actives, shall we?

So long, you arrogant, gross old pyro!

Tara grew up, became blond (during my brief foray into NRAAs' dresser mod), and married Sunny's daughter, Jacqueline.

Really Tara, it's 2016. No one has to be the "father" in a lesbian couple anymore.

I think Rodolfo wasn't even cold, yet.

Sunny decides to skip that pesky "in between" stage and go right for the ghost.

But she still finds her way back to Ahmad.

"The sex was terrible! At least Ahmad can take some pills!"

Thanks for that, Sunny. We were all dying to know.

"There. All clean. Finally!"

"BWAAAH!!!"

"HOLYSHITWHATTHEFUCK??"

"Heh-heh. I love this job."

It's not a job.

"Yes it is."

"Ugh. You two slobbering monkeys have a room. Use it."

Jordan is super-psyched for the torch to pass.

Unfortunately for her, she'll be old.

"You could've made Pickle torchperson or whatever.  Then Biggie and I could've had years of viagra-less woohoo. But NO. You wanted to wait. Hmph."

"Lookin' good, Great-Grandma!"

"Thanks, kid! I got a figure to keep!"

Sure!

"Wow! Talk about the inside not matching the outside! How did she even afford this place?"

This was most of the party.

"I don't think I'm comfortable hanging out with my niece while she's in her underwear."

It's a bathing suit.

"Um, no. Those are definitely panties."

Bring it up with EA.

The triplets finally have their YA birthday. I throw caution to the wind and let them all blow at once. Coming up next chapter, we pass the torch, bring in a new household member, and Sky finally gets some company in the front yard.

Points

Every time you may roll a trait: +5 (Oscar)

Every fire: -5

No change in the score.

Weekends Suck

"OMG, I'm STARVING!!"

"I'm trying to cheer here, you all need to move out of the way."

"Wow, we usually don't get this many people for our birthday."

Welcome back to the Shithouse ISBI. Yup, it's the triplets' birthday and I finally decided to throw caution to the wind and have a party. Buckle in, it's gonna be a wild ride!

"Oh yeah, I look GOOD!"

"I NEED TO EAT BEFORE I DIE!!"

WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK IS GOING ON WITH THAT STOVE????

ALRIGHT, NOBODY PANI.....................What the shit is that?

"What? My hip likes to wear a wig. You can't judge me, I have rights!!"

I ............... don't even know what's going on.

"Will you losers get out of the way??"

You're my hero, Martin!!

"Didja' hear that, babe? I'm a hero!"

"Wow, these are so pretty! I've never gotten flowers before!"

Remember Lane, from prom?

That's him. Interesting.

I'm just kidding, I know it's the opposite of interesting.

The other two get a shot at growing up. It was, thankfully, drama-free. Well, almost.

"Pffft, this party stinks worse than this house. I'm out."

She's just pissy because Bubbie was right about her.

"Fuck off!!"

She was a roadie. Her whole life amounted to a failed criminal career, one lone girlfriend, and a piddling retirement from hauling some third rate Nickleback wannabe's gear around. Such a waste.

Here they are. Due to being mind-numbingly stupid, Hulk had "childish" locked in. He didn't fail, I think he got a C. Yoda and Mt. Dew were able to roll their traits. Yoda is now rebellious, and Dewie is a daredevil.

Remember way back when Pickle rigged the bathroom sink that no one uses? Well the bathroom must be a step closer to one side of the picnic table because when someone eats out there, on the side closer to the main part of the house, they wash the dish in the bathroom instead of the kitchen. They don't often eat out there, but because of the party, well....................

"AAAHHHH!! What the heck??"

"Heh-heh, awesome."

"Who did this?"

"Not me, though believe me, I'm takin' notes."

"YOU did it, didn't you? You rigged that sink to spray!"

Seriously? Hulk? I'm not sure he even knows what the 'H' and 'C' on the faucets stand for. 

"WHAT is your problem, Granny? I didn't do nothin' to the sink! I don't even know what you're talkin' about!"

"Well I've got my eye on you, punk. You try anything on me and I'll put your ass in a sling."

"Hmph! Too bad for you. I LOVE swings!"

That's not what she said, she said ............. you know what? Nevermind.

"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz something's burning zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZ"

"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz you're so naughty, baby! Makin' daddy cuff you! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZ"

This is more than a little disturbing.

Dammit, Jordan!! This is your fault! Get some boundaries! And a some shame. I'm not asking for a lot, just a little.

"WoooooooooooooHooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!"

"Why is Granny so mean? I didn't do nothin' to her and she totally blew up at me!"

"You didn't 'do nothin'', Hulk. That means you did something."

"NO!!  I didn't do nothin'!! I TOLD you that!!"

"I know, Hulk! But you're not saying it ri......"

"Dewie, stop being an asshole. Hulkie, Granny's mean to everybody. I don't know what her problem is, no one does. Just ignore her. She's 95, she's gonna croak any day now."

"................ What? She's gonna turn into a frog?"

"Oh for god's sake, Hulkie!!"

"See? I'm not being an asshole, somebody's gotta teach him this stuff."

"Don't mind me, bitch. I got a puddle to mop."

"Oh my god, this woman is CRAZY!!"

"Don't bother, you insane old freak. I'll mop the stupid puddle."

"You just love taking shit away from me, don't you? You only clean so you can show me up!"

"Fine! I'll clean the sink. You can't take this away, you useless motherfucker."

"She's gonna die any day. Just remember that Jordan. She cannot last much longer."

Now is probably not the best time to tell Jordan about my game where the founder lived to be 129.

"You're trying to kill me, aren't you? I knew you were a conniving, evil little shrew at heart!"

"How dare you say that about me!! I am done putting up with you and your crazy, mean-spirited ramblings!! I am Biggie's wife, not your punching bag!"

"Oh SURE, you've got Big Bird fooled. And that's nothing to brag about, a sprinkler could convince that empty paper bag that it's raining! No wonder Huck is so damned stupid!"

"I know you're talking, I can see your jaw flapping, but all I'm hearing is "WAW WAW WAW WAW WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWW!!"

"You know what, middling little peasant? It's on. No more playing nice because my son has shitty taste in women. You better watch your back!"

"Oh believe me, you old hag, I've always known that you're a backstabbing opportunist. Biggie's father died in an 'accidental' drowning? Yeah right. Well I'm nowhere near that easy. You can't touch me and I think you know it."

"Whatever. Some of us have a non-whore job to go to."

"THIS was a great moment. I should paint it for posterity."

"I heard you've been having some trouble with your Granny, Hulk. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. I mean, I know Granny's all talk. She threatened to put my butt in a swing, but I love swings, so that's one over on her!"

"Um, Granny told you she'd put your butt in a SWING?"

"Actually, she said 'ass', but I didn't want to say that in front of you."

"But, swing?"

"Yeah, I thought that was weird too. I love swinging!"

".....................................................Oh honey."

So say all of us, Jordan.

"Where's the blue dinosaur, Mom? There's a red one and a green one, but I thought there was a blue one, too."

"I'm pretty sure there's only red and green, Hulkie."

"Maybe aliens got the blue one! Heh-heh"

"Aliens?"

"Yeah. You know, the aliens that made the dinosaurs go extinct. It's a joke, Mom."

"Oh. Thank goodness. I thought you were serious there for a minute."

"LOL!  Oh come on, Mom. I know the dinosaurs on tv aren't real!"

"Your brother and I are not poisonous, you two. And Dewie, you are gonna ruin your eyes."

"It's fine, Mom. Hulk had the bean burrito for lunch at school and it hasn't worn off yet."

"Woohoo now?"

No, he's cooking. 

"There are six other people in this house perfectly capable of cooking."

I would not phrase it quite that way.

"Oscar! For crying out loud!!"

"I'm using this bathroom! GET OUT! ............. Come ON!!  GO!!!! ................... What the hell is wrong with you?"

".........................................................."

Nothing between the ears, just a big ol' vacancy. That's what's wrong with him.

Jordan, what ................. what IS that?

"It's an abstract I've titled 'The SimGod Bitch Won't Let Me WooHoo'. I think I'll get a lot of money for it."

"Yeah, baby! I love playing guitar! Maybe if I get a passing grade, Mom and Dad'll buy me one for graduation!"

"Whoa, it's like, one in the morning. I should get home."

"Thanks for the ride, man! I really appreciate it."

I cannot believe the cops never came. He was at his friend's house until almost 2am, then he took a cab home. Maybe he's so dumb that the cops know he's harmless.

"Aw MAN. I wanna sleep in this bed."

Get over it, Oscar. The beds are first come, first serve. Pick another bed.

Even though they are not enemies, as that seems to be something I have to do for them, Jordan hates Bubbie so much that she'll go outside to eat, in spite of three empty spots at the kitchen table.

"WHEN is she going to die?"

Sweetie, I wish I could tell you.

"So, it's not as if I couldn't handle the criminal career, I just happened to get a glance at one of Sony's recording contracts and decided that music was where an evil genius like me could really spread her wings. Plus, those fuckers never have to go to jail! Then, after awhile, I realized that I'd been working all of my adult life. I said, "fuck this shit, I'm out", and I retired. Now I get to do whatever I want, all day long!"

"See? It totally makes sense. I'm not a failure."

Sunny: "Lawd, my crazy aunt loves to hear herself talk."

You married Rodolfo, Sunny. You are in no position to get all high and mighty.

Relatives taking up space in the very shithole they were grateful to escape from? Must be a birthday.

"I wish to overthink every little thing."

This is all who came to cheer. Her parents, one brother, and Lane, the mysterious romantic interest.

Pretty. Pickle really does favor her mother. She rolled "neurotic" for her trait, and her LTW is Hit Movie Composer. I was considering her for heir but, no thanks to her litter of younger siblings, Biggie is still a skill point or two shy of his lifetime wish. I think he'll definitely get there before the triplets grow up, so one of them will be heir. Oscar is an idiot and I deal with that enough in this game with the sims I can't control.

You know, you could sit with your son and sister-in-law.

"No way. Do you not see who is right behind me? Biggie told me about her. I get enough crap around here, I am not voluntarily sitting next to that woman."

I swear, Jordan was not this anti-social when I moved her in. Bubbie's ruined her.

Oh, and also? Do take note of Biggie in the left side window. It's exactly what it looks like.

"Hurry up, Mt. Dew, scarf that cake down!"

"What? Why? What's the rush?"

"Aunt Pinky is coming and I swear, if that bitch sits with us my slapping hand is gonna get real itchy."

"Oh. I hardly know her."

"You are very blessed."

Pinky: "Ugh, SO MANY stupid asshats at this damn party. I don't know why I come to these things. This house is always INFESTED with snotty kids and teenagers."

Jordan: "Good luck, you two!"

"Is she really that bad? As bad as Granny?"

"She's every bit as bad as Mom. They are horrible individuals. Together they are a black hole of soul-crushing despair. You'll lose all faith in Simanity."

"Damn."

"What are you guys talking about?"

"Aunt Pinky. Where is she, I thought she was coming out here?"

"Shit, the little bastards are out here, too. I'm gonna eat my cake and get the hell out of this depressing crapshack."

Nice outfit, Pickle.

"Thanks. Mom bought it."

Tara: "Tee-hee! I'm going to do my homework at a party! I'm a good girl!"

Good for you, Tara.

"How do we keep ending up here, Trent?"

"We get invited, Sunny, and we still don't have any better place to be. I'm going to die here, I just know it."

I'm going on record saying right now, if Trent dies here in the house, he can stay.

"Wait, don't I get a say in this?"

No.

Countertop: Hey Pickle, shouldn't you get your own place?"

Pickle: "Yeah, I should probably get on that."

Tara: "Teehee! Homework!"

"You cannot be serious."

What? You don't like it?

"It's an old, rundown cabin on some overgrown, trashheap of a lot! NO, I don't like it! Why did you move me here? Whatever did I do to you?"

Relax, Pickle. I love you more than that. This house is not what it seems. Just go in. 

"It's a staircase. What kinda creepy-ass, serial-killer hideout is this?"

Go down the stairs. Trust me, you're gonna love it. 

I should've turned the lights on, but oh well.

"Okay, I take it back! I LOVE this place! It's a mansion all underground!"

See? I wouldn't leave you high and dry.

It is an underground mansion I made for a sim of mine who hated the outdoors.

It's a two bedroom home filled with high-end furnishings and decor, with no pesky windows to let in any of that icky outdoors. Not too shabby for a young, single gal. Let's see how long it is before she moves out.

"I'm never moving out!"

Yeah, we'll see what Story Progression has to say about it.

She got her music job.

And carries on the family tradition of dating dudes who are one small step off Grim's threshold.

Meanwhile, back at the actual shack....

"Why is this girl still here? The party has been over for hours!"

"Teehee! Great party! I had so much fun!"

She's stuck. Awesome.

"What's wrong with her? Why can't I go criticize her stupid family like I really want to and have had queued for the past half an hour?"

Give it up, Bub. She may be ripe, but there's no picking her.

"Ugh. Fine. I'll get some cake. Stupid bitch. I hate these ill-mannered fuckwits Biggie's kids bring home. She probably thinks she fucking lives here."

"Teehee!  Old lady has pink hair!!"

Next morning...

"Uh, Tara? Why didn't you go home? The party's over."

Overwatch did not reset her, as I thought it might. And it's a Saturday, no school.

"Teehee! Gotta pee!"

Any and all pee fails accumulated by this stupid bint do not count for points, FTR.

"Whelp, since I'm gonna be heir and all, you better start picking out my boyfriend."

"Why does Dewie get to be heir?"

I like both Hulk and Dewie, but Hulk looks so much like Biggie, whereas Dewie is a decent mix of both parents. Yoda's good, too, but the boys really stand out to me for some reason. I'd love to keep them both but I don't think there's going to be room in the house for double-heirship.

"BOOOO!!!"

"AAAHHHH!!!!"

"Heh-heh. Fine. I don't wanna stay in this house with Granny anyway."

Logic dictates that she's gotta die sometime.

"What?"

Nevermind.

"I want a really hot boyfriend, after all this shit."

No worries, Dewie. I'll pick out somebody nice for you.

"Yourrrr stuck with Grannnnnyyyyy!!"

"It's not that big a deal, Hulk."

"AOIDOHAFOIOIJDGETDRESSEDYOULITTLETWERP!!!"

"OH. MY. GOD!! Why isn't she dead yet????"

"Heh-heh, now THAT was fuckin' awesome! You little bastards are good for something, at least."

A really hot boyfriend, Dewie. Super-duper, A+, Def-Con 5 hot. 

Okay, I promise he'll be hotter than a tree.

"Um, has there always been a wall here?"

DON'T YOU DARE, Dewie!!!  Don't think for ONE second I won't go backsie's on the boyfriend promise if you start costing me points!

"I can't help it! Have you SEEN that toilet?"

EWWWWWW!!  How is it possible to even get that dirty??

The toilet's not really the problem, though.

"Ahhhhhh. Nothing like a nice, loooong bath to get your day started right."

Fuck Off, Bubbie. WHY AREN'T YOU DEAD YET?

"Crap!! Don't move, Mom!"

"Not a problem, honey. I'll be here all afternoon."

*sigh*

"You see nothing."

LOL! He's adorable, even when he's costing me points.

"I REALLY have to pee, AND the tv's broken!!"

I really hate weekends. These guys are a lot more tolerable when they're all in school.

"Now I desperately need a bath!"

"Somebody's gotta clean that nasty ol' toilet."

Tara:

You know what, Tara?

"What the heck, Dewie?!?"

"I'm using this bathroom, GET OUT!!"

"No way, Oscar! You're done! And thanks to Granny, I friggin' REEK!!  YOU get out!!"

"You ladies BOTH need to get the hell out! I gotta pee so damn bad!!"

I thought you were gonna clean the toilet?

"LOL!! Yeah right!"

"Man, that thing is really nasty."

"And I clogged it, suckers!!"

"Fuck off, Oscar!!"

Weekends make everybody cranky!

"Why do I have to leave? I was definitely in there first!"

"........................................................................."

"Ewwww!  Alright, Yoda, woman up! It's not that bad and you reallllllly gotta go. Just hike up your skirt and hover..."

"You don't wanna sit on this toilet, Yoda. You might get some butt-wasting disease and die!"

"HULK!!  WHAT THE HELL GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!!!!"

"What is your problem? I gotta pee and I can do it standing up! No butt-wasting for me!"

"That's not a thing, HULK!!"

"I need a bath NOW!!"

"Dammit, Hulk! I was here first!"

"But, you're a girl!"

"That's got nothing to do with ANYthing!  GET OUT HULKIE!!"

"Both of you idiots get out! Y'all had plenty of time to pee, and instead you're holding a goddamn press conference in here! I fuckin' stink so SHOO!!!"

"Aw man! Now I smell like peepee!"

"Dammit! This is Hulkie and Dewie's faults!!"

"Oh sweet-fuckin' dog it actually smells WORSE than a high school boys' locker room in June in here. Why aren't I dead yet?"

I hate all of you.

We're gonna end this stinking, butt-wasting clusterfuck right here, before this chapter descends any further into the reeking bowels of hell.

Coming up, will anyone use the damn toilet? Will it get cleaned or will someone actually die of a butt-wasting disease? Will Tara get unstuck when I restart the game or will she be living with us forever? Will I actually get Dewie a hot boyfriend? Or will I kill him and go with whichever triplet is pissing me off the least? Find out if you and your olfactory organ dare.

Sidenote: Somewhere in this chapter, I'm not sure where, I uninstalled Generations. All my games where it was installed were borking out. Huge lag, and crashes. I haven't had crashes in months and months. After uninstalling Generations everything went back to normal. I'm thinking that it's just one too many EPs for my laptop, and/or my game doesn't like the mods I downloaded to go with Generations. Either way, the EP is gone for now.

Points

Every time you may roll a trait for a sim: +15 (Dewie, Yoda, and Pickle)

Every fire: -5

Pee fails: -15 (Dewie, Hulk, and Yoda)

Previous Score: +120

Current Score: +115

It's going the wrong way!!!