"I don't want a little brother!! Nobody asked me!! I demand a recount!"
Poor Violet. Last chapter broke in generation 5 with the birth of Violet, and at the end of the chapter the birth of her little brother, Barney.
Barney is a clumsy virtuoso who is named after,
AWESOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME!!!
I'm kidding, he is, of course, named after,
though I wouldn't go spreading that around if I were him.
You'll see more of Barney in a bit, after he becomes a toddler.
"Oh no, somebody is going to have to fix this."
Yeah, yeah, Dewy will make the call and they'll send someone.
"Hey! Look at that! I CAN walk!"
Hallelujah!! Celeste finally came unstuck to fix the tv. Cross your fingers that she actually leaves the lot.
"Do you think I can log this as 'sick leave'?"
Bye Bitch!!
"Seriously? That's all that happened in the last 2 days?"
Well, your grandparents woohooed a bunch, and your sister learned some skills, but yeah, you're the pinnacle!
No, I take it back, one thing of note happened.
Sads. He didn't die on the lot. I may go fetch him at some point. I am very fond of
All good things must come to an end.
Take Biggie, here.
"My shift isn't over yet."
"Well crud."
"I'm ready to go, Grim. I've had a good life. Beautiful wife, five great kids, lots of art and music, I think I've accomplished a lot."
WHOA!!! You got the big tombstone, Biggie!! I was not expecting that. Swanky!!
"Shouldn't we go check on your mom, or something?"
"Nah, she can wait ten minutes."
"TEN?? Ooooooo, feeling frisky tonight, are we?"
"I don't care if I'm tired. I am not going to bed until I figure this out!!"
Moodlet Manager for the win!
Don't worry, somebody mourned for Biggie.
"*sob* I miss you, Dad!! Not enough to stop in and say 'hi' to Mom, but still!!"
Oscar didn't stop in to visit, he just passed through. Pausing for a few minutes to sob at Biggie's grave before continuing on down the sidewalk.
"Oh man, this is so great! I arrested a real criminal!! The chief is going to be so happy! I just know I'm going to get that promotion now!!"
"I better get right back to the station."
Uh.
Where is s/he?
"He's not there?"
No.
"Well fudge."
*a couple of sim hours later*
"Huh. She's not here."
Awesome, man! Run for it! Just go home.
"No, I think I'll get a cab."
"Police station, please."
"Sure thing, sir."
You're ......... turning yourself in?
"Just because I'm a criminal doesn't mean I don't want to do the right thing."
Alrighty. I guess you're missing Violet's birthday party.
Jacqueline: "Ugh, another birthday? I don't wanna get up!!"
Oscar: "Hey, what the hell is wrong with this house? I can't play guitar in the corner by the tv and I really want to!!"
Jordan: "Don't worry, sweetie, I'll play guitar right after I have some cake."
So Violet, born brave and clumsy, rolled "great kisser" for her trait.
"That's a little inappropriate, don't you think?"
Think of it as an achievement you get to unlock as a teenager.
"Ew."
"Um, who is that? He doesn't look like one of ours."
That's Oskar. He's a townie, I believe that's his toddler, as well. I'm not sure if he's crashing the party or just passing through (literally).
"Oh."
And Jordan? Get your ass to the bathroom!
Hulk picked Barney up after the caking and held him for the rest of the party.
"I don't know, Dewy, I really love kids but I haven't found a girl that I like enough to have 'em with."
"I'm sorry, Hulkie. Hang in there, she'll come along. Or you could try adoption, or a surrogate."
"A surrowhat?"
"A surrogate. Basically, you hire a woman to have a baby for you."
"I don't want a hooker to have my baby!"
"No, Hulk, it's not that kind of 'hire'. You pay a woman to be impregnated with your sperm, you pay for everything, and you get the baby after she gives birth. She's not a hooker."
"But ........ I'd be having sex with her and paying her for it. Isn't that a hooker?"
"You wouldn't do it the old-fashioned way. You'd use artificial insemination."
"What? Like, a robot?"
"*sigh* Maybe you're better off just considering adoption, Hulkie. Keep it in the back of your mind as we get older. I think you'd be a really great dad and I'd hate to see you get old with no kids."
"Yeah, me too."
So dude, it's, like, almost 11pm, you got out of jail hours ago, you gonna come home, ever?
"Not NOW! He's almost got his pants off!! Come on! There's no computer at home and you know that cheap ass tv doesn't get anything good!"
Does Dewy know you're still at the military/police compound watching porn on a government computer?
"Hey! I had to sit in JAIL for hours!! I deserve this."
Seven did go home around 1am-ish, just in time for this to happen.
"What the fuck?? OCCUPIED!! BUSY!!! GET THE HELL WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU??"
Oskar didn't drift away until around 3-4am. Not what you want during a nice, post-porn tub session.
"I knew I should've stayed at the police station!"
"No worries! I'm leaving now. And I saw nothing! Absolutely nothing."
Seven is not having good plumbing karma.
"The sink broke again."
"No big deal, babe. I'll call a plumber right after I clean out the fridge."
Aww, he looks so sad. Don't worry, Seven, you're not in trouble. That sink breaks all the time, now that we have a houseful of people who actually wash dishes.
"So, we meet again."
Celeste is still our repairsim. She visits more than anyone else at this point.
"Oh come on!! You're right in my way!"
"I'm almost done Violet, then you can mop up the floor."
"Oh screw the floor, I need to eat!! You're blocking the fridge!"
Hi Biggie!
"Mmmph!! Pie!!!"
Jordan made pumpkin pie. She's been earning many brownie points from me since Biggie died. It's amazing what she does when she's not hyper-focused on woohoo.
She reached level 10 of the art skill all by herself.
"Papa!! Is ten o' cwock in da mownin!! I not tiyad!!"
Seven works the late shift, therefore he goes to bed between 8 and 11am, so this happens every.damn.day and Dewy is at work.
"*sigh* Come on, sweetie. I don't know what the heck is wrong with your papa."
Jordan gets him out almost every time. Almost.
"Okay Bud, Papa's tired, so it's bedtime for you."
"Granma, where are you??"
She's doing important shit, kiddo.
"Why are these leaves so damn hard to rake? They are sticking to the patio and each other! What gives?"
Apparently raking leaves in the pouring rain is more important than your grandchild.
I got a glimmer of hope when it became clear that Seven would not be allowed to sleep for long.
"I'm STINKY!!!!!"
"Geez, Barney! Papa is trying to sleep!"
Come on, Seven. Change the kid's diaper and take him out of that blasted crib.
"Yeah, yeah, okay....."
"Wait!! My Simmy sense is picking up ........................... A LEAF PILE!!! I must investigate!"
Sorry Barney, you're fucked.
"PAAAAAAAAAAAPAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!"
A couple of sim hours later.......
"Now I stink and I'm wonewy. Where papa and granma?"
I don't remember what Jordan was doing all this time, but Seven finally finished playing in the leaves.
"Now that was fun! Dirty, but fun!!"
Dammit, Seven!!
Dewy wasn't getting out of work for at least another hour or so and Barney was going code yellow. Finally it got too risky for me.
"I don't know if my boss is going to be okay with me leaving early."
It's an emergency.
"Uh-oh, what happened?"
Your husband is a dim-witted buttmunch.
"Ugh, Barney! Why are you in your crib all by yourself? And WOOOO do you ever smell!!"
"I vewy gwad to see you, dada."
"*sigh* Come on, buddy, let's get you cleaned up!"
Dewy to the rescue.
"Can't we put the bunny channel on? This movie is scary."
"No, and be quiet, I'm trying to watch this."
"Fine. I'll go get dirty in the leaves again."
"You do tha- what the fuck??"
"♫ Hi-diddly-dee, Sissy broke the tv!! ♫"
"Huh, that cloud looks just like Ricky's head after he ran face first into the swingset."
"*sniff sniff* Ugh. Gross!"
"Aw man! I'm starving, exhausted, AND I broke the tub!!"
I don't know how you do it, Vi. You're not even unlucky.
What happened to Celeste?
"Dunno. She went out on a call yesterday and no one's heard from her since."
Aw, that's tragic.
Isn't your book getting soaked?
"What book?"
97 years and counting.
"Ha-HA!! If it weren't for gravity, Violet, you couldn't even hit the ground!!"
"Shut up, Ricky!! Cover your head, you're going down!!"
"Actually, Missy, you're going down ...... town."
Yeah!! Get that little hooligan playing with her friend in his front yard!
"Am I really going to jail?"
"LOL no. I just like scaring kids, it's like crack for me. I'll drop you off at your house and your parents will be none the wiser."
Whatcha' doin', Pinky?
"This piece of junk is a mess! It desperately needs paint and one helluva tune-up."
I put the junker car in the backyard as I thought it suitably trashed up the place. I didn't realize that even the ghosts would paint, wax, and repair the car on autonomy.
Oh come on, Jordan!
"Leave me alone, I'm a hundred years old!!"
"UGH!! Fuck this shit."
"I'm outta here. And by the way, Violet's little friend is sitting on the couch soaking wet."
"*SOB!! Oh no!!!"
"I'm sorry, mister! The couch isn't that wet! It's rainin' and I did my homework in your front yard cause I'm kind of an idiot."
"Heh-heh, I'm finally out of here. No more waiting around for that disgusting bathroom."
"AaaaaaCHOO!!!!! Sorry, allergies. I hate fall!"
Bye Jordan! Thanks for making us a lot of money with your paintings, and for mostly getting Barney out of his crib.
"It sure was nice of Grandma to wait until my birthday to die so she could keep getting me out of my crib, and to die before I grew up so I don't have a mourning moodlet."
The only sucky part is Dewy was trying to finish up teaching Barney to walk. He had all his other skills. His bar was almost full when Jordan died. He grew up on his own right as she checked out. So he didn't get to roll his trait. He's a clumsy virtuoso who likes everything done perfectly.
"Where's my sissy? Why didn't she cheer for my birthday?"
Oh yeah. Where IS she?
"I never came home from school, not that you noticed! I went to the art museum across the street and played games on their computer. And now my grandma is dead and I'm pissed off about it!!"
Don't you think you ought to be heading home?
"Probably. I am starving."
"Okay Auntie Sunny, you've been alive a really long time (she's got to be 120 if she's a day), tell me the dumbest thing you've ever done!"
"Oh that's easy! I married the same loser, pyromaniac dirtbag that my mother booty-called."
"You and Grandma dated the same guy?"
"Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking. He and Mom fought all the time. I chalked it up to her being such a massive, soul-sucking bitch, but it turns out that Rodolfo was his own special brand of asshole as well."
"And you married him?"
"At first we dated, well really just a one night stand. Then he married this girl, Stacey.They broke up, got back together for a hot second until Stacey smartened up and dumped his ass for good. I should have taken that as a sign but I was so young and stupid, and I was a single mother to Jacquie, I really wanted a dad for her. So when he proposed, I accepted. And I stayed married to that crazy bastard for years, right up until he died."
"You stayed with him?"
"Well, I was waiting for Mom to die, so she wouldn't get to be right. But that miserable harpy refused to let go and actually outlived Rodolfo, even though he was years younger."
"Well, that was ................. informative. I had no idea our family was so screwed up. I think I'll just go home, pretend I never talked to you, and make some shit up for my police report."
"I'd really appreciate that, Dewy."
"BOO!!GOTAKEABATH!!!"
"Maybe if you didn't make me stop dead in my tracks so you could scare me to death."
"Why are you taking a bath right now, Violet? I need to wash these dishes."
"DAD!!! Use the kitchen sink!!"
"Can't."
Oh joy.
"Why didn't he knock? What is wrong with him??"
"Get over it, sweetie. I changed your diapers not too long ago."
You didn't.
"It's not my fault!"
"Ahhhh, nothing like a nice, long bath in the morning!! Hope no one else needed the bathroom!"
I think Violet may be over both of her parents at this point.
"Aw, you're so cute, little chipmunk! It's totally worth standing outside in the rain for two hours, getting completely soaked just to stare at you runnin' in circles!"
"Hey Uncle Hulk, how's it going? .............................. oh really? Cool! The dads will be so excited! What did Auntie Pickle and Uncle Brett name him? ........................... Are you serious? ............. Like, after the green stuff Dad likes to get on his burrito? ......... That's good that you like it, I just don't think 'Guacamole' is a real name..................... well, yeah that's true, I never really thought about Pickle before."
".............................................. I'm sorry, Uncle Hulk, I know you really want kids, too. I'm sure you'll have one some day........................................ a what? ....... What's a 'hooker'? ........................... Really? People pay money for that? ............. Oh, okay .............................. Wait, a robot? I'm pretty sure robots can't have babies, Uncle Hulk................................... Yeah, it would be pretty cool................................. Look, I'm sorry but I gotta go, I've got homework ............. ok, I'll tell them ....... love you, too. Bye!!"
"Where are we going, Dad?"
"Um, I'm not sure. The notification said something about some kind of festival."
"What is that? A party?"
"I don't know, Violet. We're gonna find out."
Next time, on the Shithouse ISBI!!
Points
A non-torchholder maxes a skill: +5 (Jordan)
Every child born: +1 (Barney)
Every time you may roll a trait for a sim: +5 (Violet)
Pee fails: -10 (Jordan and Violet)
Previous Score: +121
Current Score: +122
